Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Feature: 'Cheese List' gives thanks!

And just like that, Thanksgiving is upon us once again my little chickadees.
                I don’t know about you, but I plan on spending my holiday eating Spam out of a can while camped out in front of a Best Buy, waiting to throw elbows and trample elderly women to get at those sweet sweet Black Friday deals. Mmmm… savings.
                Anyway, tis the time of year to give thanks for all the universe has bestowed upon you. I, for one, am thankful for having nice pointy and extremely boney elbows. They really come in handy when it comes to fighting through large crowds.
                But I’m also thankful for other stuff. Family and friends. Buffalo sauce. And of course horrible, horrible movies, for without them, who knows what I’d be blogging about? Oh, wait. I do! Haha, yeah it’s best we don’t go back down that road.
                I’ve spent almost an entire year now digging around in Hollywood’s garbage and what a year it’s been!
                I’ll do a proper recap later on, but here are just a few of the Cheese List moments, that I’m most thankful for.  


 Ah yes, who among us could forget Torgo, the lovable meth-addicted Satyr and day manager of the "Lodge of Sins" from the classic film "Manos: The Hands of Fate." With his disjointed, Shatner-esque speaking style and persistent flop sweat, Torgo is one of a kind.

Shane Van Dyke

 Yes ladies, that's THE Shane Van Dyke, self-proclaimed "prolific" screenwriter and grandson of Dick Van Dyke. Shane wrote, directed and starred in current reigning "Cheese List" champ, a movie with literally no redeeming qualities, owner of a perfect 5.0 Cheese GPA, "Titanic II."

The Room
 Without a doubt, Tommy Wiseau's "The Room" is one of the most entertainingly awful movie I've ever seen. It's also my favorite "Cheese List" movie to date. Honestly, this movie just needs to be seen to be believed. I'd absolutely recommend it. 
WARNING: A little spoiler-y but very well done.

Troll 2
Very little about "Troll 2" makes any sense. Even the title doesn't work, because the movie is about goblins. Oh well. Before "The Room" came along, this was the most laugh-out-loud-bad movie I'd watched as part of this insane experiment.

Disaster Movie
I'm thankful for "Disaster Movie" because it is far and away my most successful post. It's well over 4x as popular as the next one on the list, my "Terminator 2" joke post. For that, I thank you dear readers... and Google Image search traffic.

Night of the Lepus

 One of the most adorable movies ever made. Not scary in the slightest bit, however. Movie monsters should never make you go: "Awww wook at the whittle guy!"

Birdemic: Shock and Terror

 If it wasn't for the fact that the last act is made nearly unwatchable by incessant bird shrieking, "Birdemic" could've given "The Room" a run for its money. Hilariously bad acting, writing, editing, directing and special effects work combine to make a near perfect, cheesy movie.

Piranha 3DD trailer
 Blood, guts, attractive ladies, killer fish, a guy with shotguns for legs, no Steven R. McQueen... what's not to love?

Michael Bay Infographic

Just one of the many wonderful Michael Bay infographics created by the folks over at This one clearly shows the more explosions a Michael Bay movie has, the more money it makes.

                Boy oh boy. What a year it’s been. Here’s hoping to another fabulous year! And then after that, let's hope I find a more useful and productive way to spend my free time.
                Now, if you’ll excuse me. I need to pack up my tent, roll up my sleeping bag and sharpen some sticks in case anyone tries to cut ahead of me in line. There are no friends or loved ones on Black Friday, only competition.
                Bumblebee turkey to all!             

No comments:

Post a Comment