The Room (2003)- Take 2

Credentials: 3.3 out of 10 (imdb.com)/ 31% Certified Rotten (rottentomatoes.com)/ N/A (metacritic.com)  

Plot: Johnny’s (Tommy Wiseau) girlfriend Lisa (Julliette Danielle) decides she doesn’t love him anymore. Rather than breaking up with him, she continues to live with him and even promises to marry him all while sleeping with his best friend, Mark (Greg Sestero).  There’s a whole cavalcade of useless side characters and go nowhere subplots. Chief among these is a creepy kid who may be both a drug and a sex addict and at the very least has some sort of mental impairment. At a certain point, the plot is abandoned in favor of arbitrary--- and poorly choreographed--- games of catch. This all culminates---sort of--- in an ending that comes completely out of left field.

Thoughts

What can be said about “The Room” that hasn’t already been said about a train wreck?

                I will say this: Tommy Wiseau (writer, director, star, executive producer AND producer (you would think being the executive producer would cover producer, but I guess not)) is awesome.

                I love Tommy Wiseau because I can’t tell if he’s insane or not. He claims the abundant humor in “The Room” is intentional. Several members of the cast and crew have vehemently refuted that statement. I’m not sure. He’s either a brilliant performance artist or possibly the world’s worst director, actor and writer. There’s just no middle ground.

                I’m going to treat “The Room” like an attempt at a serious movie. Still, I have my doubts anyone could be so hilariously bad at so many things. But what do I know.

The acting is some of the worst ever committed to film. The only way to properly describe Wiseau’s style is as an unholy cross between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Christopher Walken. With a light dusting of SNL’s Festrunk Brothers. On top of that, every now and again he appears to be in danger of falling asleep midsentence.

The rest of the cast is comprised of a bunch of no names who don’t fare any better. They certainly don’t do worse than Wiseau, but then again I think worse might be an impossibility.

The movie’s story is complete nonsense. Lisa’s motivations for seducing Mark, while stringing along Johnny are never made clear. At times she seems downright cartoon evil, taking sadistic pleasure in tormenting Johnny, who’s a pretty great guy.

The list of subplots that are introduced and promptly forgotten is impressive. At one point in an old episode of “The Simpsons” bartender Moe tells one of the drunks in his bar that it would take NASA to calculate his tab. The same could be said of the forgotten subplots and side characters in “The Room.”  Lisa's mother's backstory, Denny's drug/money problems... where were the resolutions? Why even mention any of this stuff?

There’s a memorable scene where everyone is sitting around in Johnny’s living room, wearing tuxedoes and talking about wedding pictures. Then they go play football. In the tuxedoes. A few scenes later we find out that Johnny and Lisa’s wedding is still a month away. Then why the heck were they wearing tuxedoes and talking about wedding pictures to begin with?!

I could go on like this.

Breakdown: Sadly my computer refused to play any more than 7 minutes of “The Room,” so there will be no screen caps. Instead, more Thoughts!

Perhaps the strangest of the movie’s many, many problems is the sound editing. The movie inexplicably suffers from the same dubbing issues as most “Godzilla” films. “The Room” was shot in English. All the characters are speaking English. Somehow though the dialogue frequently doesn’t match up with the character’s lips, especially when Wiseau is speaking.
                Also, the sound mixing is downright eerie. During each of the film’s many love scenes, the characters’ passionate moans are significantly louder than the film’s musical soundtrack. The resulting effect had me convinced someone was hiding in my living room, watching the movie with me.

I think if I had surround sound, I might’ve been freaked out enough to call the police.

All that being said: I urge everyone to watch “The Room.” Whether Wiseau is really a brilliant, modern day Andy Kauffman or a nut job with ties to the Korean mafia remains to be seen. Either way, “The Room” is very entertaining. So bad it’s good doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Video Evidence 

And finally, a montage paying tribute to the real star of the film: the football...

Bumblebee tuna.