New ‘Battleship’ trailer, even more feh
A new
trailer for “Battleship,” Peter Berg’s upcoming adaptation of the classic board
game, hit the web today.
Gotta say,
still don’t care.
This
trailer eases up on the “story” and instead focuses squarely on how much it
looks like “Independence Day” with boats. Only terrible. Because I would watch
the hell of out “Independence Day 2: Now With Boats.”
Maybe
it’s just me and my masochistic tendencies, or maybe it’s because I’ve been
spoiled by “Snakes on a Plane,” but I’m still waiting for that moment where
Liam Neeson looks directly into the camera and screams: “You sunk my
battleship!”
Honestly
Peter Berg, you’re making a movie based on a BOARD game of all things. It’s not
like it has any credibility to begin with. Just go whole hog with it and give
the people--- meaning me--- what they (I) want.
“Battleship”
motors into theaters this May. It stars Liam Neeson, the blonde from that
recent Adam Sandler movie no one saw and a bunch of people I don’t care about.
Source:
Joblo
Cheese in Theaters
Finally!
Some material! Three movies, two of which I’d heard of before powering up my
computer. My god. My cup runneth over! Looks like Christmas may just have come
early for this guy.
 |
| Still haven't gotten used to this. |
The
Sitter- 21%, Certified Rotten (Rottentomatoes.com)
What
the heck is it: Jonah Hill plays the world’s worst babysitter, who gets hired
to babysit the world’s worst kids. Hilarity, hijinx and madcap violence ensue!
From David Gordon Green, the director of “Pineapple Express.”
What critics
said: “With his seventh feature film "The Sitter," [Green] appears to have simply
given up.” -Jeffrey M. Anderson, Combustible Celluloid
I Melt With You- 13%, Certified Rotten (Rottentomatoes.com)
What the
heck is it: Four old college friends (Rob Lowe, Jeremy Piven, Thomas Jane and
some other guy) reunite to celebrate a birthday, catch up and relive their
glory days. Things get out of hand thanks to a stockpile of illegal substances
and younger women. Eventually the proceedings take an even darker turn.
What critics
said: “A movie about self-absorbed douchebags that wallows in their
douchebaggery.” -Noel Murray, AV Club
“By the end, you feel
nothing, not even contempt.”- Stephen Holden, New York Times
And this week’s big winner:
 |
| You get what you deserve America, and in this case, you deserve "Whitney." |
New Year’s Eve- 5%, Certified Rotten (Rottentomatoes.com)
What
the heck is it: A huge ensemble cast of Hollywood A-Listers (and Seth Meyers)
all fall in and out of love and then back into it again in Times Square during
the biggest party of the year. Remember “Valentine’s Day?” No, then my god you’re
one of the lucky ones. Either way this is that but with a different holiday.
What
critics said: “The only entertaining way to watch New Year's Eve is as a cruel
experiment in which performers stranded with absolutely no script support are
forced to subsist on pure presence, which quickly becomes a blood sport in
which only a few survive.” -Linda Holmes, NPR
“So garish and manipulative that it
doesn't really qualify as a film -- it's a product, no more an actual movie
than a Hallmark card is a piece of poetry.” -Brian Tallerico, HollywoodChicago.com
“Those who pay for this film should
add "don't get suckered into seeing bad movies" to their list of New
Year's resolutions.” -Rebecca Murray, About.com
“None of the marquee names come off
particularly well here, so it's more a matter of figuring out who embarrasses
themselves the most.” -Alonso Duralde, The Wrap
Peter Berg might be a bit too pretentious to allow Liam Neeson to yell that infamous line directly into the camera. Like you, though, I hope that moment's in the movie.
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