News: 'Twilight' is a big ol' sin

Hating on “Twilight” is old hat and, frankly, a little blow this here blog. I’ve purposefully avoided reviewing any of these movies because A) I know I’m going to hate them all, and B) They weren’t meant for me, they were meant for people who loved the books for some reason.

                So yeah, no point in reviewing ’em. I’m a busy man. I need to follow Wes Craven and Alex Aja around and yell at them for things.

                And yet here we are on this Wednesday evening. We were promised snow and thus far, nothing. It’s an evening of lies.

                It’s also an evening of no interesting news stories on the bad movie front. No stories at all … except … for …

                The good folks over at CinemaSins have set their critical eyes on “Twilight.” In case you’re unfamiliar with their work, the CinemaSins gang has produced such hit Youtube videos as “Everything Wrong with ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ in 3 Minutes or Less,” “Everything Wrong with ‘Avatar in 3 Minutes or Less,” and “Everything Wrong with ‘The Hunger Games’ in 3 Minutes or Less.”

                Basically, they go in and mock/nitpick a movie until it can be mocked and nitpicked no more.

                And boy do they go to town on “Twilight.” The wind up finding over a 100 things wrong with the movie, many of which involved Kristen Stewart’s dead-fish portrayal of Bella Swan.

                For comparison's sake, that's over 40 more problems than they found with "Skyfall," despite that movie being way longer than "Twilight." 

                You can check out the video if you’d like right here.

                Personally, I’ll stick with MST3K and Rifftrax, but to each their own.

                Source: NBC News

News: Oooooh! 'Evil' sequels everywhere

nndb.com

Raimi makes everyone's day

The “Evil Dead” remake is right around the corner and the horror world is holding its breath in a sickly mix of fear and anticipation. Will it be good? Will it suck horribly? Is there even the slightest chance of a Bruce Campbell cameo?

                 So many questions, but no answers until one month from today, April 5 of this year. Until then. We wait.

                Well, we wait and we get this news from BleedingCool.

                While pimping his latest effort, “Oz: The Great and Powerful” in London, original “Evil Dead” director Sam Raimi dropped a bombshell.

                He wants to make “Evil Dead 4.” Not a remake, reboot or reimagining. An honest-to-God American sequel. Or four-ple.

                 He added that he and his brother (most likely Ivan) plan on working on the script … wait for it … this summer!

                This isn’t some idle pillow talk from Raimi. This sounds like a frigging plan!

                Just wonderful news. So even if the remake ends up as a massive disaster, there’s a potential sequel to the original franchise looming on the horizon, just waiting to make everything OK.

                God speed Raimi brothers. Make it so!

                Source: BleedingCool

Add caption

Is the sun setting on 'Resident Evil'? 

                And then there’s this sequel news. Not as exciting, or really at all exciting, but you know. It’s a thing.

                There’s more “Resident Evil” a-coming. Well, at least one more.

                Sony has greenlit “Resident Evil 6” and given it a release date of September 12, 2014.

                No confirmation yet on whether the bad Paul Anderson will be back to direct, or if his lovely wife Mila Jovovich will return for part six, but duh. They’ll be there.

                After part four came out, Anderson did lots of talking about how he was starting up a new trilogy of films, meaning this one could very well be the last of the Anderson/Jovovich “Resident Evil” film series.

                So yeah. Grab some tissues and such. It’s so hard … to say goodbye … to yesterday.

                I’m strongly, strongly considering a “Resident Evil” week or marathon or something where I watch all five of these movies. Well, really, I don’t think the first one belongs on The Cheese List. That’s a good movie. Part two sucks and I haven’t seen the rest.

                I’ll keep you posted.

                Source: Shock Til You Drop   

News: Disney prepares 'super-finger' for 'Cars' fans

Last.FM

Remember the days when Dane Cook ruled the world?

                Boy did they suck.

                Every time anyone tried to tell a story, it turned into a Dane Cook routine --- nothing but a crazy amount of details, over-the-top hand gestures and spastic poses and lots of pacing back and forth.

                You’d spend half of their lengthy monologue praying for it to end and the other half trying not to get smacked in the face.

                And three or four failed attempts at movie career and poof! Suddenly we all agree Dane Cook is a douchebag and that’s that. No more painful comedy routines masquerading as conversations.

                Progress.

                But now this news happens.

                Dane Cook is all set to voice the lead character Dusty in the Disney animated film: “Planes.”

                Yup, that’s right Disney has a spinoff of “Cars” chambered. With no involvement from Pixar. Initially this thing was supposed to go straight-to-video, but then Disney changed its mind and decided to ship it into theaters on August 9 of this year.

                The story goes: Dusty wants to race, but he wasn’t built to race. So, he meets up with a veteran racer who shows him the ropes. There you go. That story with Dane Cook voicing the lead. And no help from Pixar. And a former straight-to-video background.

                Should be awesome.

                Info:Joblo

News: Bad Paul Anderson invades Pompeii

Kotaku.com

I don’t have any kids. I’ve got two cats that I refer to as my children, but that’s only so believable considering they’re tiny and furry and look nothing like me and are from another species. So yeah, cats no kids.

                But one day, when I do have children who are from the same species, in addition to the usual stuff like potty training and how ride a bike, there’s one life lesson I’ll probably spend a significant portion of time on:

                The epic saga of the “Good Paul Anderson” and the “Bad Paul Anderson,” or as they prefer to be called Paul Thomas Anderson, director of critical darlings like “There Will Be Blood” and “Boogie Nights” and Paul W.S. Anderson, director of mostly crap. Fun crap, but crap nonetheless.

                There’s a news story in here somewhere, trust me.

                Anyway, so a quick summary of said saga: Paul Thomas spends months slaving over his art, he has critics falling over themselves for a whiff of his socks and the basement/attic full of awards, but ol’ Paul W.S. can sleepwalk through another “Resident Evil,” get paid a giant pile of money and then go home at the end of the day to his gorgeous wife, Milla Jovovich.

                The lesson in all this is either there’s hope for all of us or life is patently unfair … depending on your perspective.

CinemaBlend.com

                So that was really just a long and winding way of saying: Hey there, Paul W.S. Anderson is making a new movie!

                It’s called “Pompeii,” and it’s set in the city of Pompeii right before the volcano Pomp… I mean, Vesuvius erupts.

Emily Browning of “Sucker Punch” fame has just signed on to play one half of a pair of star crossed lovers. Kit Harrington, of “Game of Thrones” (not sure who he is), is the male half.

So he ends up getting shipped out of town right before the world goes to hell, then he decides to come back and try to save his lady and best friend.

Apparently “The Three Musketeers” wasn’t enough to satisfy Paul W.S. hunger for costume-action-dramas.

Shooting is set for April everybody, so there’s still time to him to cram Milla in this thing somehow.

Info: Joblo          

News: Halle teams up with WWE

Hey, there’s a new trailer for “The Call” out there on the web today!

I know: Blah, blah, blah, more trailer talk. Blah, blah, blah.

                Hey, so sue me, I’m a little pressed for time today so I don’t have the usual window of about 6-7 hours to devote towards researching, writing and sending these posts off to Taiwan for proofing.

                Also I realize the irony of the guy who just typed the word “blah” six times crying about being pressed for time. Let’s move on.

                “The Call.” This is that WWE Films thriller starring noted wrestler and Oscar-winner Halle Berry?

That bit of casting is one I don’t understand from either perspective. Why Halle, an OSCAR-winner, wants to toss her name in with noted-crap-maker WWE Films is beyond me. And for that matter, why WWE needs to waste money bringing in Halle knowing full even she isn’t a good enough actress to trick people into thinking a bad movie is actually just mediocre (see: “Gothika,” “Catwoman”).

I mean, I guess WWE figures this will somehow make their little studio seem more credible, but it won’t.  Again, “Gothika,” “Catwoman.” Would have been better off throwing all that money at The Rock to come back home and make an awesomely dumb action movie.

So in this trailer, Halle plays a 911 operator who gets a call from a kidnapped girl and has to save her from a demented killer. The first trailer had a whole lot of silly backstory that is nowhere to be found in this one, so in that regard, this is a much better trailer.

But it still looks awful. Maybe even Cheese List awful. “The Call” slithers into theaters on March 15 of this year.

Info: Joblo