News: 'Hansel' has a dirty mouth

So, I don’t think it can be stressed enough just how incredibly stupid “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” looks.

                Every time I see anything about it, all I can think is “Who in their right mind green lit another ‘Van Helsing?’”

                God that movie was awful. Once I can fully get over my disappointment about how awful “Van Helsing” was, I’ll watch it for The Cheese List. Still got a few more therapy sessions to go, though. How could you, Hugh?

                Well, I guess someone thinks there’s still a market for famous literary characters in loud action movies with ridiculously silly weaponry and a boat-load of CGI.

                And because of that we were treated to this red band “trailer” for “Hansel and Gretel” today.

             Can't find it one Youtube, so check it out right here.

 I mean, it’s not really a trailer. It’s essentially a 30 second-long excuse for Jeremy Renner to drop what I can only assume will be the movie’s highlight and signature line: “Don’t eat the f’n candy.”

It’s not quite “I’ve had enough of these mutha f’n snakes on this muth f’n plane,” but yeah it’ll do.

“H&G:WH” hits theaters this Friday. I love me some Jeremy Renner, but that love is not unconditional. In fact, it’s very, very conditional. The biggest one? Don’t try to make me relive “Van Helsing.” I’m just not there yet.

Bumblebee tuna.

Info: Arrow in the Head