Monday, January 28, 2013

Cheese List Preview

So we’re going back to the realm of horror for this week’s Cheese List feature because it’s January and it’s freezing and yet still raining and awful outside, so really, what choice do we have?
                Our movie comes from a true legend of the horror genre, a name known far and wide, by both genre fans and the loved ones they drag to theaters with them.
                However, there’s a strong case to be made that this particular icon might be a wee bit over-hyped. A wee lot bit over-hyped.
                Sure, he’s responsible for some of the most memorable monsters to ever carve their way across the big screen, but nearly all of his movies have had glaring flaws. Usually around the ending.
                But as I remarked to myself this weekend as the end credits rolled on “Mama,” “well ... endings are hard,” so he gets a pass from most of the community for his obvious shortcomings.
This  week’s feature is a collaboration between said horror icon and a screenwriter pal, a pair that struck gold and gave us the most memorable slasher of the 90’s. This time around, the pairing elected to take on creature features, only the results wasn’t quite so golden as they were embarrassingly awful.
Let’s take a look …

Yup, it’s “Cursed,” written by Kevin Williamson, directed by Wes Craven and starring Christina Ricci’s forehead, Portia de Rossi, Shannon Elizabeth, Milo Ventimiglia and Christina Ricci.
Sexy “teens” and werewolves. Boy oh boy.
Credentials: 16%, Certified rotten ( // 4.8 out of 10 ( // 31 out of 100 (
Here’s what our friends the critics had to some about “Cursed”:
“The scariest thing in the movie is a cameo by Scott Baio,” said Ben Kenigsberg of the Villiage Voice, which seems needlessly mean to poor Scott Baio.
And because we all know the only thing movie critics love more than Meryl Streep is a lame, title-based pun: “Dumb werewolf movie may leave you feeling cursed,” so sayeth Beth Pratt from Common Sense Media

Now, this is the part where I usually crack wise and post a super-negative review and try to convince you it’s actually a positive one. We have fun, you and I. But this, this I swear to Jay-Z is an actual positive review.
“Until this past Friday, the worst werewolf film ever made was, hairy hands down, Mike Nichols' Wolf. Cursed now assumes that dubious distinction and someone is going to have to try very hard to wrestle it away,” raved Rick Kisonak, from Film Threat.
            I kid you not. Rotten Tomatoes counted that one in the positive column. So “Cursed” should likely have an even lower Tomato-meter score, but so it goes.
Check back on Friday for my full review.

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