Monday, February 4, 2013

Cheese List preview
So how about that Puppy Bowl this weekend? God it was so adorable, I just can’t even process it all right now.
I have to say though, it saddens me how corporate the whole even has gotten --- what with the Icebreakers-sponsored stoppages in play and Animal Planet trying to force-feed the rest of their shows down America’s throats. It used to just be about the puppies, man. Well, the puppies, the kitties and whatever other small, cuddly creatures that happened to be laying around.
Yeah, but it was still awesome and way more interesting than the Super Bowl until god intervened and struck the stadium with a lightning bolt or whatever happened.  
I decided to honor of this weekend’s other big game, the one that didn’t feature cuddly critters, by picking a movie with lots and lots of football action.
Well, that’s not exactly true. There’s actually very little football action to be found in this movie. But there is plenty of talk about going to watch a big football game.
In it, a group of friends are road-tripping their way across country to watch their college team toss the old pigskin around with another college team.
Unfortunately, on route they run into some car problems right smack in the middle of nowhere. The only town within miles seems mostly abandoned, expect for a hearty few individuals, but the kids are really into this college football thing for some reason, so they head there to hopefully get the parts they need to fix their car and get back on the road.
It just so happens this town also has a museum. A special kind of museum with lots of figures in it, figures that look really real, but aren’t … and are made from … wax.
In fact, the museum actually kind of looks like somebody’s house, so I guess you could call it a:

Yes! “House of Wax (2005)” starring Elisha Cuthbert, Jared Padaleck, Chad Michael Murray and Paris Hilton.
Credentials: 25%, Certified Rotten ( // 5.2 out of 10 ( //41 out of 100 ( // Nominated for three Razzies at the 2006 Golden Raspberry Awards, (Worst Picture, Worst Remake or Sequel and Worst Supporting Actress --- Paris Hilton), Paris won the Worst Supporting Actress award // Hilton was also won the Razzie for Worst Actress of the Decade at the 2010 Golden Raspberry Awards for her work on this film among others
As I said a few weeks ago, you could call this a guilty pleasure of mine, but that wouldn’t be accurate because I feel no guilt whatsoever about loving this movie. Now, I haven’t seen it in a few years, so let’s see how it holds up to the memory I have of it in my mind.
Yeah, I know. More horror. I’m kind of a one-trick pony.
Let’s take a gander at what the critics had to say about “House of Wax”
Mike Clark from USA Today said: “When the cast starts wondering where the roadkill is, someone says, 'Follow the smell.' Good tip: That's how you'll know where ‘Wax’ is playing.”
“A stupid, brainless, and pointless horror installment with all the usual characters, and pretty bad acting all around ... ” said Felix Vasquez Jr. from Cinema Crazed.
Things weren’t all bad though, Desson Thomson from The Washington Post raved “You’ll be rooting for these people to get slaughtered out of sheer boredom.”
There you go: “House of Wax (2005).” Look for my review on Friday and if you want to track it down and watch it, go right ahead. You just might enjoy yourself.
Bumblebee tuna.

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