‘Human Centipede’ blah blah blah
So there’s lots of “Human Centipede 2” news floating around the internet today, but I’m not going to tell you about it. Why? Because I no longer care.
I feel like I’m doing humanity a disservice by giving Tom Six and his band of homicidal maniacs so much free publicity.
So, I’m done. I’m tired of feeling icky all the time. I miss the days when I could see someone eating chocolate pudding and not be overcome with the urge to run screaming towards the hills. The good old days.
So, get your “Human Centipede 2” updates elsewhere. I’m sticking to classier stuff here. Like “Piranha 3-DD.”
Source: My brain.
Theater owners to Movie studios: You’re mean! Movie studios: Nah uh!
The battle between movie studios and theater owners over the general public’s wallets has escalated to whole new alternatingly childish and insane levels.
If you remember last week, Sony announced that they were sick of paying for 3-D glasses and decided that theater owners should fit the bill. Naturally, the thought of an added expense caused theater owners to vomit into their $15 popcorn buckets and call themselves victims.
The real victims in all this? You and I, who will undoubtedly end up paying for all this one way or another.
Now, Universal has jumped into the fray, looking to strike while theater owners’ backs were turned.
The studio announced that its Ben Stiller/Eddie Murphy comedy, “The Tower Heist” will be available onDemand in customers’ homes a mere 21 days after it appears in theaters. The cost? A very reasonable… $59.99.
Now that doesn’t seem so… HOLY GOD! WAIT A MINUTE! SIXTY DOLLARS!?? ARE YOU HIGH!??!?! WHY WOULD ANYONE PAY THAT!?!?!?
My head’s spinning. I feel like I just watched “The Human Centipede 2” for three days straight. Let me get my bearings.
Ok, so Cinemark Theaters (third largest chain in the country) isn’t happy and is threatening to boycott the movie entirely. Apparently, it’s worried this decision is going to cut into its profits somehow.
Right, like anyone is going to stay at home and pay $60 for a movie he/she could drive down the street and pay $12 for. $60 for an Eddie Murphy movie. Eddie. Murphy.
The plan is to roll it out in two cities: Atlanta, Georgia and Portland, Oregon to see what happens. My guess? Once people in those two towns stop laughing hysterically at the idea they’d pay $60 for “Tower Heist,” they’ll go back to watching college football.
Recap: The NBA’s locked out, the NFL just finished its lock out, the NHL will probably be back locked out soon enough and movie theater owners and movie studios hate each other. I’m tired of millionaires and billionaires fighting in the press. I say we just put them all in a steel cage and let ‘em duke it out. Winner takes all. Speaking on behalf of the little guy, shut up!
Hitting the silver screen
- Human Centipede 2- 22% Certified Rotten
Critics said: “You’re kidding right?” - David Poland, Movie City News
- Real Steel- 57% Certified Rotten
Critics said: “The movie isn't very different from that Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots game: easy to sell in TV ads and soon stash away in the closet.” –Steve Persall, St. Petersburg Times
- The Ides of March- 82% Certified Fresh
Critics said: “A splendid cast carries this absorbing political thriller.” –Thomas Leupp, Hollywood.comSource: Rotten Tomatoes