News: 'Ghost Rider' and 'Expendables' sequel updates

agentbedhead.com

Cage: “Ghost Rider 2” NOT a sequel

                So, you may have heard a lot of ugly lies floating around in the media recently about how the upcoming movie “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance” is some kind of “sequel” to the 2007 superhero movie “Ghost Rider.”

                Thankfully, we have Nicholas Cage to set the record straight.

                Sure, the two movies have similar titles, Cage stars in both of them and even plays the exact same character. But he assures you, “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance” is NOT a sequel to “Ghost Rider.”

                In an interview with TotalFilm.com, Cage said: “I don’t see this as a sequel at all. I see this as ‘Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.’ The other movie was ‘Ghost Rider.’ This movie is ‘Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.’”

                Ohhhh. Of course. How silly of us. Between quotes like this, the crazy wigs, the buying of dinosaur skulls and haunted mansions, I sometimes wonder if Nicholas Cage is secretly “Punk”-ing all of us.

                Read more of what Cage had to say (including his reasons for starring in the movie adaption of a comic book no one remembered) here.

                Source: Total Film

Sly: ‘Expendables 2’ really PG-13

                Ladies and germs, I have a brand spankin’ new Chuck Norris fact for you. I’m sure you already know how his tears can cure cancer and how L.A. tried to name a street after him, but had to change it because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

                Add this one to the list: Chuck Norris can take a testosterone-fueled, adrenaline thrill ride starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jason Statham and Dolph Lundgren and turn it into a PG-13 movie.

                That’s right, the man himself Sly Stallone has confirmed Expendables 2” is in fact rated PG-13.

                Stallone explained himself on Ain’t it Cool News with some cock and bull story about “wanting to reach the widest possible audience.” Of course, Norris has been taking full credit for the PG-13 rating because he doesn’t act in R-rated movies. Stallone has no comment on that.

                If it’s true that Norris is to blame--- and why would he lie?--- this adds to his legend, but in a decidedly negative way.

                Sad face.

                Source: Daily Blam   

News: New 'Battleship' poster... meh

There's a new poster for "Battleship" out there and it is not interesting in the slightest bit.

First of all, what's with that tagline? "The battle for Earth begins at sea." LAME! Talk about a missed opportunity. I would have gone with "You sunk my..." then have Battleship in huge letters. That's just me.

Stick of picture of Liam Neeson wrestling an alien wolf or two on there and you've got yourself a poster!

The only thing that caught my eye? The April 2012 release date. So there's still a chance this whole thing is an April Fool's joke? Please god say it is...

Source: Joblo

News: 'Expendables 2' PG-13?

absohilare.com

Say it ain't so Chaz!

According to The Beard himself, Chuck Norris, "Expendables 2" is going to get slapped with a PG-13 rating. Ugh.

Here's what he had to say: "In Expendables 2, there was a lot of vulgar dialogue in the screenplay. For this reason, many young people wouldn't be able to watch this. But I don't play in movies like this. Due to that I said I won't be a part of that if the hardcore language is not erased. Producers accepted my conditions and the movie will be classified in the category of PG-13."

Wow that is some oddly stilted dialogue. The man may be many things, but a wordsmith is not one of them.

So anyway there it is. If Chuck Norris has his way, we'll be watching him, Sly, Arnie, Bruce and the rest of humanity kicking each other's as... butts in PG-13 rated movie. Sadface. There's just no justice in the world.

Source: Joblo

Review: Fast Five

Credentials: 78%, Certified Fresh (Rottentomatoes.com) / 7.3 out of 10 (Imdb.com) / 67 out of 100 (Metacritic.com)

Plot: The fifth in the “Fast and the Furious” franchise finds ex-cop turned crook Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) looking to settle down and make a life with his lady friend Mia (Jordana Brewster). Of course, that’s not easy to do when you’re on the run from the law, so the duo heads south to Rio De Janero, where they rendezvous with Mia’s brother Dom (Vin Diesel), a bad ass criminal with a heart of gold. Before the group can leave their life of crime behind they need to pull off… wait for it… ONE LAST JOB! Can they steal from Rio’s most dangerous drug lord, while avoiding the heavily-muscled arm of the law (federal agent Luke Hobbs, played by Dwayne Johnson)? Oh it’s on!

Why it stinks: Bad acting, silly dialogue and a bloated, directionless story. But you know what? Despite those minor faults, “Fast Five” is still a lot of fun… at times.

                Those times are usually when Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is strutting across the screen, flexing his massive biceps and getting stuff done. Without The Rock’s presence, I probably would have just skipped this entry in the franchise like I skipped the last few. But The Rock, well he just makes everything better.

                I’d say he’s not given enough to do, but I get it, this is not his movie. We’re supposed to care about our criminal anti-heroes, but meh. They’re not all that interesting.

                For starters, Vin Diesel is all muscles. Whereas, The Rock has huge guns and the charisma to back them up, Vin brings nothing else to the table. Despite Diesel’s inability to act, his scenes with The Rock, however, are impeccable. Pun very much intended. Their fight scene is one of the manliest things ever captured on film.

                If the whole movie had been these two going at it, I’d have been fine with it. The problem is, director Justin Lin tries to cram in the romance between Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster. Plus, she’s got a secret she’s keeping from her man. What could it be???

All of this hokey, daytime drama nonsense just gets in the way of the explosions and ass kicking. Considering the movie’s needlessly long 130 minute run time, yeah we could make some cuts. Easy. Just hand me the shears.

The early “Fast and Furious” films were all about street racing and fast cars. This one tries to be an “Ocean’s Eleven”-style heist flick, with cars getting pushed into the background.

I say it tries, because “Fast Five” really can’t totally pull it off.

Heist movies usually have a sequence where the leads assemble a crack team: an explosives guy, a smooth talker, a master of disguise, etc. and “Fast Five” is no different. It has this scene, except that these experts never get the chance to use their skills. The smooth talker never gets to talk to anyone smoothly. The master of disguise doesn’t get to blend in.

Instead of using their cool skills, everyone just ends up being awesome drivers. The big climax? All driving. How very “Fast and the Furious” of you. Look, I don’t mind a good car chase movie, just don’t promise me steak and give me pudding pops.

Worst of the Worst

Any time The Rock is not on screen is time wasted.

Video Evidence

 Man's time...

 If you smell...

There you have it, “Fast Five.” Bumblebee tuna.

News: Cheese in theaters

                The Iron Lady- 54%, Certified Rotten

                What the heck is it: Oscar-bait wannabe with Meryl Streep as Margaret Thatcher, the first AND only female Prime Minister of the U.K. Watch and marvel as Thatcher comes from nowhere to become one of the most powerful women of all time… of all time!

                What critics said: “The Iron Lady is a performance in search of a film.” -Globe and Mail

                

                Contraband-47%, Certified Rotten

                What the heck is it: Mark Wahlberg plays a retired drug runner who gets called back into the trade for one last score. Seems his brother got in a spot of trouble, and naturally Marky Mark needs to save the day. So, he assembles a crack team of… crack smugglers I guess, but he’s about to find out the last score is always the hardest. Or at least it is in the movies.     

                What critics said: “If ever there were a typical January movie, it's Contraband, a film so dreary (and downright distasteful) that no studio would think of releasing it in December, when all eyes are focused on quality.” -Leonard Maltin, Leonard Maltin's Picks

                 

                Joyful Noise- 38%, Certified Rotten

                What the heck is it: It’s “Glee” for older folks. Two diva singers (Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton) must join forces to help their town’s choir win at regionals… or is it sectionals… or some other anonymous competition. Either way, there’s a lesson to be learned here somewhere about working together.

                What critics said: “The trailer made it look like fun. The commercial looked promising. When will I ever learn?” -Clint O'Connor, Cleveland Plain Dealer

News: Stallone...Schwarzenegger...Cross?

hollywood.com

Arnie and Sly=BFFs

                Apparently co-starring in one testosterone-fueled thrill ride together just wasn’t enough for Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone.

                If seeing the manly duo kicking butt and taking names in theaters on Aug. 12 in “The Expendables 2” wasn’t enough, then you’re in luck.

                The two are both reportedly circling a project called “The Tomb.”

                The films tells the story of a man who designs prisons, who ends up wrongfully accused of a crime and then guess what happens? He gets put in one of the prisons he helped design! Imagine that. While in there, he has to track down the person who set him up.

                Seems Stallone will be playing the prison designer, with Schwarzenegger’s role as yet undetermined, although I could easily see him stepping into Morgan Freeman’s role from “Shawkshank.” A lil narration for the big guy would be fantastic.

                Make it happen Hollywood!

                Source: JoBlo

spilledmilkformoms.org

Cross calls “Chipwrecked” crap!

                David Cross, one of the stars of the squeaky-monstrosity “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked,” does NOT want you to go see his movie, which currently holds a 13%, Certified Rotten rating on Rottentomatoes.com.

                Cross slammed the film during an appearance on “Conan.”

                He called it: “a big commercial for Carnival Cruise Lines.”

                As if that wasn’t enough, he also criticized one of the producers, calling her “the personification of what people think about when they think negatively about Jews.” 

               Cross, who appears in the film dressed as a giant pelican (you never see his face), didn’t want to be on set and wanted to record his lines and have them dubbed in. Seems this one mean lady wanted him on set and since he’d signed a three-picture contract, he had to be there.  

                Cross is taking a lot of heat for his Jewish comment, but I’m going to sidestep all that noise and instead focus on him trashing his own movie, which is a minorpet peeve of mine if you remember.

                STOP IT! Celebrities, DO NOT trash your films, unless you are personally going to issue a refund to every single person who went to see it. If you’d rather keep your money, then keep your mouth shut.

                If you think your movie is crap, don’t tell people. Just keep it to yourself and move on please. You’re not building street cred or coming off hip.

You, David Cross, are the genius who signed the three picture “Chipmunks” contract. You honestly thought they could make ONE good “Chipmunks” movie, let alone three? Shut up, cash your check and go make that “Arrested Development” movie we’ve been hearing so much about.

                And it BETTER be good.

                Source: NY Daily News  

News: Two heads way better than one

                Ah The Asylum, it’s the studio that just keeps on giving.

                It’s already gifted the world such crapfests as "Titanic II," the "MegaShark" series and "Transmorphers."

                Now, Asylum is raising the bar once again with “2-Headed Shark Attack.” You know, just in case you were tired of movies with one-headed villains. One-headed villains are soooooo 2011, god.

                Here’s the plot of this sure-fire Cheese List contender from Arrow in the Head:

“When a Semester at Sea ship is sunk by a mutated two-headed shark, the survivors escape to a deserted atoll. But when it starts flooding, the coeds are no longer safe from the double jaws of the monster.”

"2-Headed Shark Attack" stars such acting royalty as Carmen Electra and Hulk Hogan’s creepy daughter, Brooke. Apparently, Brooke is getting all of her shark movies out of the way early in her career. Lest we forget, she can also be seen fighting one-headed sharks in "Sand Sharks." 

DVD will be hitting stores on Jan. 31 and you can pre-order it on Amazon right here. Get your credit cards ready!

Source: Arrow in the Head