News: New ‘Piranha 3DD’ trailer!!!

The latest trailer for “Piranha 3DD” just hit the interlink and it features pretty much exactly what you would expect from a film with that title… namely scantily clad lady types, lots of gore, cheesy humor and a guy with two shotguns for legs.

                Well, I guess the title really doesn’t prepare you for that last one.

                Either way, “Piranha 3DD” was one of my most anticipated movies of LAST year, and was high on my list for this year… until now.

                This new trailer. Ehhhh. “Piranha 3DD” seems to have turned the corner from “so bad it’s hilariously good” territory and did a belly flop right in “flat out bad” territory.

                I mean, I don’t care either way, I’m still going to watch the stupid thing, it’s what god put me on this planet to do. I’m just not all that excited about it anymore.

                The trailer seems to hint that the lovely Katrina Bowden won't make it. First something attacks her while she’s swimming and then later something moves under her skin while she’s in bed with some dude. WTF? Maybe... hopefully it's some sort of dream sequence (probably). Although hearing Christopher Lloyd’s piranha expert explain how a fish survived while living inside of a person would be very interesting.

                Also, is that a zombie Gary Busy eating a piranha at the 1:32 mark?

                Like I said, I’ll still see it, but I now expect to be more annoyed than entertained. Hey, studios! This is why you don’t play games with release dates! You had the public hooked and instead of reeling them in, you messed around and then you lost ’em.

                I make no apologies for the fishing puns. “Piranha 3DD” hits theaters April 5, 2012.

                Source: Youtube  

News: Razzie nomination special

Now that a bunch of old white guys out in Hollywood have finished telling us which movies THEY liked the best, we can finally get on to the important stuff.

                What were the worst movies of the year? Well, there’s only one place to turn for an answer… The Golden Raspberry Awards!

                The nominations are out for the 32^nd Annual Golden Raspberry Awards! The Razzies are, of course, the beloved celebration of the worst films pooped out by Hollywood every year and history has been made by the Razzies this time around.

It was an historic day of infamy for Adam Sandler, as he shattered records by taking home a jaw-dropping 11 (ELEVEN!) nominations this year. The previous record for nominations in one year for one person was Eddie Murphy’s five for “Norbit.”

Sandler’s silly total comes as a result of producing, writing, and acting in such disasters as “Just Go With It,” “Jack & Jill,” and “Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star.” All in one year. Sandler managed to jam several careers’ worth of god-awful movie making into a single year. What a talent that man is.

It was a bad year to be Adam Sandler, and it was also a bad year to be a dude dressed like a lady. Cross-dressing was one of the Razzies' favorite targets this year.

Well, here’s a rundown of the big categories. Head on over to the very ugly, but informative Razzies.com for a full list of nominees. My predicted… er… winners… are in bold and underlined.

Worst Picture

• Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star
• Jack & Jill
• Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1
• New Year’s Eve
• Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Worst Actor

• Russell Brand, Arthur
• Nicolas Cage, Drive Angry, Season of the Witch, Trespass
• Taylor Lautner, ABduction, Twilight: Breaking Dawn 1
• Adam Sandler, Just Go With It, Jack & Jill
• Nick Swardson, Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star

 Worst Actress

• Martin Lawrence (As Momma), Big Momma’s House: Like Father, Like Son
• Sarah Palin (As Herself), The Undefeated
• Sarah Jessica Parker, I Don’t Know How She Does It, New Year’s Eve
• Adam Sandler, Jack & Jill
• Kristen Stewart, Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Pt. 1

Worst Director

• Michael Bay, Transformers: Dark of the Moon
• Tom Brady, Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star
• Bill Condon, Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Pt. 1
• Dennis Dugan, Jack & Jill, Just Go With It
• Garry Marshall, News Year’s Eve

Worst Remake, Sequel or Rip-off

• Arthur
• Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star (Rip off of Boogie Nights and A Star is Born)        
• The Hangover: Part 2 (Sequel and a remake!)
• Jack & Jill (Remake/Rip off of Ed Wood’s Glen or Glenda)
• Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part 1

        Worst Supporting Actor

• Patrick Dempsey, Transformers: Dark of the Moon
• James Franco, Your Highness
• Ken Jeong, The Hangover: Part 2, Zookeeper, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Big Momma’s House: Like Father, Like Son
• Al Pacino, Jack & Jill
• Nick Swardson, Jack & Jill, Just Go With It

            Worst Supporting Actress

• Katie Holmes, Jack & Jill
• Brandon T. Jackson (As Charmaine), Big Momma’s House: Like Father, Like Son
• Nicole Kidman, Just Go With It
• David Spade (As Monica), Jack & Jill
• The Underwear Model (aka Rosie Huntington-Whiteley), Transformers: Dark of the Moon

News: Cheese in Theaters

Wanderlust- 57%, Certified Rotten

What is it: An indie comedy starring Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston as a fancy pants Manhattan couple who find themselves on the road after going through a bit of a rough patch. They end up in an idyllic town called Elysium where things just seem different. I’m sure the word quirky describes this movie quite nicely. Love Paul Rudd, Aniston I could take or leave. Probably one of those movies you’re going to see on Rudd’s IMDB.com page in a few years and think “What the hell is that?”

Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds- 33%, Certified Rotten

What is it: Tyler Perry plays a good man named… Deeds (for reals) who meets a strange lady and has his life turned upside down. Is there a more famous and successful person on the planet with less talent than Perry? To date, Perry has been in TWO Certified Fresh movies: 2009’s “I Can Do Bad All By Myself” and 2009’s “Star Trek,” which I had no idea he was in. And yet, Perry’s movies come out against no competition, scratch together a profit and Perry gets to act like he’s the voice of a generation. Man’s a hell of a salesman, but filmmaker he is not.

Act of Valor- 26%, Certified Rotten

What is it: “Act of Valor” stars active duty US Marines in a fictionalized story about their day-to-day lives. I assume this movie was made for people who got tired of actually playing “Call of Duty” and want to sit and watch others play for a bit. Awesome.

Gone- 9%, Certified Rotten

What is it: Amanda Seyfried’s sister gets kidnapped and our gal is convinced it’s the same dude who once kidnapped her. So she sets out on a race against time to find her sister and give the SOB what what. I guess maybe it’s like “Taken” but with a blond girl.           

News: Worst Best Movies ever!

Nothing to do with the article. Made me laugh.

                 If you’re like me, there’s one question that has kept you up nights. One burning, searing conundrum that you sacrifice everything to know the answer to.

                That question of course is what’s the worst movie to ever to be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar?

                For years, it was the movie trivia version of what came first the chicken or the egg. That is… until today. The riddle has been cracked, the quandary answered thanks to our friends at RottenTomoatoes.com.

                The answer is… well, actually I feel like telling you would spoil the list.

                Go over there and look yourself. It’s only a click away. You’ll be done in no time.

                However, I will confirm that this year’s utterly nonsensical-looking, 9/11 tear-bait drama “Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close…” Wait that’s not right. “Extremely Loud and …” you get the idea. Too many longish words in that title.

                Anyway, that stupid thing made the cut thanks to its sterling 45% rating on RottenTomatoes. Way to go Academy. “Warrior” definitely didn’t deserve a nod, but that movie that no one saw or liked totally did. Not out of touch one bit. In no way are you like that old knight guarding the grail in “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.”

                Find out which movie was nominated for Best Picture despite only having 14% positive reviews right here.

                Source: Rotten Tomatoes

News: Academy hates fun + new 'Reunion' trailer

huffingtonpost.com

Academy puts foot down on fun

                For many moons, the NFL has been known as the “No Fun League,” due to its hatred of touchdown celebrations and near-constant attempts to litigate anything that could remotely be construed as fun out of the game.

                Despite that humorous title, the NFL is a party-poopin’ amateur when compared to another organization.

                Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. For starters, the group is comprised of more stodgy, old white dudes than either house of Congress. For more eye-opening stats, click here.

                With all those boring old white dudes running the show, is it any wonder that the same types of “meh” movies tend to win each year, while gold like “Warrior” sits on the sidelines?

                The latest battle in the Academy’s war on fun took place when beloved funnyman and star of the much-nominated “Hugo” Sacha Baron Cohen wanted to inject some life into the celebrity red carpet entrances.        

                Cohen wanted to dress like his character from his upcoming film “The Dictator” and share some laughs with whatever schmoe E! News has standing nearby.

                Sensing enjoyment could result from this, the Academy banned Cohen from the show, even though he promised to change into a suit once inside.

                Sure it’s a gimmicky bit of self-promotion, but who cares? The whole show is gimmicky self-promotion! Let Cohen do his thing for god sakes!          

                Source: Joblo

More ‘American Reunion’ nonsense

                There’s a new trailer out for the latest “American Pie” sequel, creatively titled “American Reunion.” Yay.

                I’m torn, personally. I’m not sure what I want to fail more, this or the equally creatively-bankrupt “Battleship.” Perplexing.

                While I sort this out, America, how bout we just all agree to skip both? Hmm? Look, if you have to see them, at least do the world a favor and have the good sense to watch them illegally online, would you?

                Uhhh… I mean, don’t do that. Because it’s wrong. Just like making a movie out of a board game and putting another “American Pie” movie into theaters.

                Well, the trailer features the usual collection of poop and sex jokes, so if you’re a 13 year old boy, you should be in all your glory. For the rest of us, just close your eyes and enjoy the classic 90’s soundtrack.

                I love me some Semisonic.

                Source: Youtube