Monday, March 19, 2012

Review: Jack and Jill

Credentials: 3%, Certified Rotten ( / 3.3 out of 10 ( / 23 out of 100 (

Plot: Jack (Adam Sandler) is a successful--- and very douchey--- advertising executive, living the dream in LA. The only blemish on his idyllic existence surfaces every Thanksgiving --- his twin sister Jill (Adam Sandler). Jill is whiny, nasally, loud and extremely annoying. Usually, Jack can’t wait to be rid of his sister, and this year is no different. That is until she inexplicably becomes a key figure in a business deal that could make or break Jack’s company. Before you can say “Everyone stop shouting,” Al Pacino shows up playing himself, dozens of ex-SNL cast members get to come out of hiding and poop jokes start flying like it’s a playground full of first graders. Woopie. Oh yeah and Sandler once again gives himself a disproportionately hot wife (also played by Adam Sand… oh wait I mean Katie Homes).     

Why it stinks: Look, let’s not beat around this bush on this thing. We’re all good, honest, apple-pie eating and god-fearing Americans. We all know why “Jack and Jill” sucks. It sucks because Adam Sandler did it. It sucks because he hasn’t been funny in years and yet people keep going to see his movies, which causes other people to give him money to make more movies.
                Just when Sandler’s career seemed to have finally bottomed out after 2007’s vile “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry,” he whipped out a dress and a jackhammer and screamed “rock bottom be damned I can, nay, will do worse!”
And here we are.

There is nothing more creatively bankrupt than the male comedian in drag routine. Yes, Eddie, Tyler and Martin I’m looking at you three geniuses, as well. Guys in drag aren’t funny enough to carry a movie anymore.
So “Jack and Jill” gets all of its laughs the cheap way: celebrity cameos. There were two highlights for me: one ex-SNL “Weekend Update” anchor and one super-celebrity/deity. That’s about all the pleasure I was able to derive from this nonsense.
Story-wise, I almost wish Sandler and crew had just stuck with the whole “houseguest from hell during the holidays” angle. Instead, they elected to concoct this idiotic idea tying Jill into Jack’s business deal.
Long story short: Al Pacino falls in love with Jill (remember: Adam Sandler) and unless she falls for him, Pacino won’t do a commercial for Jack’s company. Ugh. Pacino has an Oscar for god sakes and now he’s doing this crap. Also: Someone needs to do a study and find out when Pacino officially stopped acting and just started shouting all the time.
All that’s bad enough, but I honestly couldn’t decide who I hated more Jack or Jill. We’re supposed to side with everyman Jack and root against the nightmarish Jill--- at least initially. Trouble is, as Jack, Sandler just comes across as a mega-douche. Both characters end up being completely and utterly intolerable and we have Sandler to thank for that.
There are enough go-nowhere subplots (involving Jack's psychotic kids, parents and friends) to fill at least two Sandler movies. That's saying something. 

Worst of the Worst

At one point Jack dresses up as Jill to woo Pacino. So Sandler's playing a character playing a character he also plays. Remarkable. Also remarkable: People were PAID to write this.

Video Evidence
There you have it, “Jack and Jill.” Bumblebee tuna.

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