News: Six and Laser bury the hatchet, Bay adds a person

blogs.indiewire.com

‘Centipede III’ is … sigh … a-go

                Here’s a bit of news that’s even more topical considering yesterday’s Earth-shattering … hmm … well maybe not quite shattering, Earth-light scratching announcement of “Human Centipede II: Full Sequence” as the first review of the Cheese List re-launch.

                Tom Six, the noted Dutch weirdo yet undeniably snazzy dresser behind the first two centipede films, has proclaimed to the world that “Centipede III” is totally and irreversibly on.

                The film had hit a bit of a snag last March when Dieter Laser --- who played the demented doctor in the first film --- decided to back out of part three. Perhaps he finally got around to actually watching the movies? Guy’s got a busy Netflix queue, give him a break.

                Naturally, Six responded by threatening to sue Laser for breach of contract. More squabbling ensued and eventually the two oddballs with the coolest names in the business kissed and made up. Or sacrificed a whole flock of chickens together. Whatever they do in their spare time.

                So Laser is in and part three is all set to begin filming in May. According to Six’s sister and co-producer Ilona, Laser will star alongside “Human Centipede II” lead Laurence R. Harvey as the main baddies in the new film. However, they’ll both be playing entirely new characters because this series isn’t metta or confusing enough yet.

                Sister Six also dropped this ditty: the human centipede in part three will be over 500 people long so yeah. Go big or go home.

                Info: EW

comicbook.com

New ‘Transformers’ people news

                Two things right off the bat: Yup, they’re still making “Transformers” movies and yup they’re still casting people to “act” in them.

                Michael Bay has already suckered all-around man’s man, but slightly gullible (see: “The Happening”) Mark Wahlberg into signing on to this fresh CGI nightmare.

                Joining the muscular Wahlberg brother is … drumroll … 21-year-old Irish/American actor/total dreamboat Jack Reynor!!.

                Not exactly me announcing I’d be watching “Human Centipede II” or anything, but I guess this counts as big news.

                You may or may not know Reynor from the short-lived TV series “Dollhouse” from Joss “Josh” Whedon where I can only he assumed he played a dreamy person of some sort.

                According to the Bay himself, the series is going in a totally new direction, so we can only hope it’s going to try to not-suck for a while. Dumping Shia LeBeouf for Wahlberg is a fantastic start. Sadly, Michael Bay is still involved, but the world’s an imperfect place.

                Info: Joblo  

News: 'Transformers' AND 'Justice League!'

hollywood-blog.net

Bay leaks some alien robot news

I’m going to take a moment and talk to that one guy who, despite three failures ranging from moderate to earth-shattering, is still looking forward to “Transformers 4.”

                Get out.

                You’re no longer welcome in America. We don’t want your tax dollars and we certainly can’t have you voting or reproducing. I’ve heard that Canada has some room up North. Maybe you can move there, but like the man said… you can’t stay here.

                Now that that’s settled, franchise-helmer Michael Bay dropped some knowledge on what he’s got planned for “Transformers Part 4.”

                A brand-spanking new cast AND some slightly new character designs! Maybe in this one all the main bad guys won’t turn into planes. Just a thought.

                Oh yeah, and Bay also said this will be his last go-around directing a movie based on toys about killer robots from outer space. Part five will be directed by some other schmo.

                Whoops. Should have put a spit take warning in there. Yes, there will also be a “Transformers Part 5” coming out at some point.

                There’s just so much umm… story left to wring out of this franchise. Story of course being street slang for “billions of sweet, sweet dollars.”

                Source: Joblo

thefilmstage.com

‘Justice League’ ready for action?

                So that “Avengers” movie did alright for itself, huh?

                While Marvel head Stan Lee has spent the last month or so doing swan dives into a swimming pool filled with money a la Scrooge McDuck, rival comic book firm DC has silently brooded.

                Well, as much as one can silently brood when you’ve got your own box-office crushing global phenomenon (“The Dark Knight Rises”) waiting in the wings.

                Still, Marvel was able to get many of its biggest characters together for one movie, while DC’s own superhero gang, the Justice League, seemed a far off dream.

                Not so fast. According to Variety, it seems DC’s partner, Warner Brothers, has hired itself a screenwriter to start work on a Justice League film. A screenwriter by the name of Will Beall (“Gangster Squad”).

                Ain’t it Cool News has speculated DC might do the opposite of what marvel did and start with all of the superheroes together, before sending them off in different directions for their own films. Marvel. Of course, used the individual movies to build up to the big group outing.

                Will it work? Definitely. With Superman and Batman in one movie, “Justice League” would be guaranteed to make silly money. Will it be as good? Probably not. This stinks of a green-eyed rush job to me.

                Source: Ain’t It Cool News  

News: Huge, apocalyptic, mind-blowing, explosive ‘Transformers’ news

      

                Brace yourselves folks. Better put the kids to bed, secure all small animals in a safe location and remove any sharp objects from your general area.

                Josh Duhamel, the iconic star of the “Tranformers” franchise, has NOT yet been contacted to reprise his memorable role as “some army guy” in the upcoming fourth chapter in the hit robot-fighting series.

                Not only has the “Tranformers” franchise turned its back on a very vital and necessary participant in Duhamel, but apparently NONE of the other humans from the previous films have been contacted yet either.

“I don’t think anybody’s doing it,” Duhamel told E! online. What does that mean exactly?

• Shia “Beefcake” LaBeouf. Gone.
• Tyrese. Gone.

 

• The British model who replaced Megan Fox. Gone.
• Megan Fox. Presumably still gone.
• The parents. God-willing they’re gone too.

                Dear god. It’s almost as if the series’ human element was utterly, utterly expendable in every sense of the word. As if producers believed the franchise could survive and be profitable SOLEY based on computer effects and nostalgia.

                If this really is the end of the “Tranformers” clan as we know it, at least we’ll always have the good times. Like when Megan Fox worked on that car in part one. And when the model got out of that car in part three. And when Tyrese and Josh D. got to do stuff that one time. And hours upon hours of Shia LaBeouf shouting robot’s names dramatically.

                Memories…

                Source: Joblo

News: More 'Transformers' and number talk, less killer fish

DocumentingReality.com

‘Transporter’ to ‘Transformers?’

The rumors are all over the interweb: Jason Statham is being considered to play the lead in the upcoming “Transformers” sequels.

Let’s start with the fact that--- much like Chewbacca living on Endor--- this does NOT make sense! Why on god’s green Earth would you put Jason Statham in a “Transformers” movie?

Sure, on the surface a potential marriage between Michael Bay and the star of the laughably over-the-top “Crank” series seems like a match made in heaven. But let’s dig a little deeper.

Statham is known for two things: Kicking the crap out of bad guys and driving the beejesus out of really cool cars. In the “Transformers” universe the bad guys are all either robots or McDreamy from “Grey’s Anatomy” and the cars drive themselves. Doesn’t seem like there’s a whole lot for him to do there.

This is all a lot of talk at this point. Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg aren’t even officially back on board yet.   

Still, I love Jason Statham and if he’s (allegedly) in and Shia’s (supposedly) out, I might actually look forward to the next “Transformers” movie for reasons other than mocking it. We’ll see…

Source: Joblo

brideonfire.tumblr.com

‘Piranha’ gets pushed back, nation mourns

                Ladies and gentlemen, Dimension Films has canceled the late November release date of “Piranha 3DD,” and pushed it back until… gasp!… until “sometime in 2012.”  

Please stand, remove your hats and join me in a moment of silence, in remembrance of our flesh-eating, aquatic friends.

And now a little mood music.

Dimension gave no word on why they pushed the film back, but usually this kind of thing is never a good sign.

“Piranha 3DD” was easily my most anticipated movie of the fall/winter. I’m not sure who should feel worse about that statement: me or Hollywood. Either way, I’ll be taking the next several months off from work and heading up to the studio’s New York headquarters to join the “Occupy Dimension” protest.

We are the 99%... of the population who wants to see killer fish eat scantily clad women! We want gore and we want it now! We will not be ignored!       

Source: Bad Movie Nite

Asylum toes the copyright infringement line

                On November 11, 2011, Darren Lynn Bousman’s apocalyptic horror flick “11-11-11” will hit theaters. On the same day, Asylum’s knock-off apocalyptic horror flick “11/11/11” will be released on DVD.

                Notice the difference? Even for Asylum, a studio famous for piggy-backing on the success (or potential success) of Hollywood movies with titles like “Transmorphers” and “The Day the Earth Stopped,” this seems a little ridiculous.

                It’s time like this I’m glad my days working at Blockbuster are long gone. I still have nightmares where I’m explaining to confused customers why “The Terminators” looks so cheap and doesn’t have Arnold Schwarzenegger in it. I can’t imagine the horrors of trying to explain the difference between a dash and a slash.

Source: Bad Movie Nite

Coppola, Hollywood and 'Tranformers' stink, Ryan Gosling takes off his shirt!

Collider.com

Coppola’s latest is ‘shockingly bad’

                Or so says JoBlo.com critic Chris Bumbray, who goes on to say he left the theater “depressed” and described it as an “utter failure.”

                Oh how the mighty have fallen. It seems like just yesterday, Francis Ford Coppola was delighting audiences with “The Godfather” and “Apocalypse Now.”

                And now here he is, responsible for “Twixt,” possibly one of the worst films of the year and allegedly the worst thing to come out of the Toronto International Film Festival, according to Bumbray. He gave the film a 1 out of 10 grade.

                It’s all very sad.

                “Twixt” stars another fallen icon Val Kilmer as a horror novelist enlisted to help a small town solve a murder. Hmm… that doesn’t seem like a smart idea, but what do I know.

                “Twixt” debuted at the TIFF last week and is currently awaiting a stateside release. Keep your fingers crossed!

Source: http://www.joblo.com/movie-news/review-twixt-tiff-2011- 

  

6 reasons why Hollywood is an evil, vile place

Zazzle.com

                Check out this list from Film School Rejects detailing the seedier side of the movie business.

                Included are the reasons why movie theater popcorn is so damn expensive and why you should never say the words: “You know what would make a great movie?” near the heads of any of the major studios.

                Lots of cussing, but this is really a fascinating lesson on the ways movie studios screw over everyone and anyone they can--- including us, the movie going public.

Source:http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/features/6-things-the-film-industry-doesnt-want-you-to-know-about.php/all/1

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Credentials: 7.0 out of 10 (Imdb.com)/37% Certified Rotten (Rottentomatoes.com)/42 out of 100 (Metacritic.com)

Plot: Apparently that whole “space race” thing back in the day was just an excuse to investigate an alien robot ship that crash landed on the moon. Meanwhile in the present day, our unnecessary hero Sam (Shia “Beeftown” LaBeouf) is finding himself very unlucky on the job-hunting front. I’d like to feel sorry for him, I really would, expect inexplicably Beeftown has traded in his old gal pal and her horrible attitude (Megan Fox) for a newer, sexier and British-ier version (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley). Anyway, eventually the good Transformers (Autobots) and the bad ones (Decepticons) hear tell of the ship on the moon so they all start hatching plans to claim its precious cargo.

Thoughts: There was one question I went into “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” hoping I would get an answer to. (Actually, there were two if you count: “Why am I doing this to myself?”)

                The question was: What in the blue hell happened to the word “side” and why isn’t it in the title of this movie?

                Sadly, I did not receive an answer.

                What I did end up getting, however, was mildly entertained.

                It looks like director Michael Bay and screenwriter Ehren Kruger put forth a little bit of effort this time.

                “Transformers: Dark (SIDE) of the Moon” is without a doubt the best of Bay’s three stabs at making a movie about warring robot aliens.

                The action scenes are loud and overlong in true Bay fashion, but I never got lost during a single one. I always knew who was fighting who and… even stranger… why.

                Bay pulls his camera back and lightens up on his usual frantic editing, and actually lets his audience see blow for blow robots fighting each other. And guess what? It’s a beautiful thing.

                This time around, Bay and his team spent some time designing their robot leads. Instead of a sea of greys and airplanes, the transformers manage to distinguish themselves. They do this despite the fact that very few of them, especially the bad ones, get to do much talking.

                So the action is solid, but as I said it goes on for too long. The hour plus climactic battle scene will likely tire out even the most hardcore fans. Seriously, you can only watch so many buildings blow up before the shine wears off.

                The story is… nearly intelligible. It gets sidetracked periodically, and is way too bloated but I think this one made the most sense of the three.

                Some advice for Michael Bay and company. I can’t tell you enough how little we care about these characters. We want to see robots fighting and hot girls. Everything else is just parsley on the plate. So please stop using so much parsley! A sprig will do just fine.

                I don’t understand how Bay can so affectionately embrace his image as Hollywood’s oldest teenager and yet still refuse to just skip the useless attempts at character development in the “Transformers” movies.

                Just stick to what you’re good at Bay, indiscriminately blowing stuff up. Leave the character stuff for the pros. And for the love of all that is holy STOP making three hour long movies! You could chop at least an hour off of “Dark of the Moon” and not lose anything of value.

                On to the acting. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has ratcheted it up to 11 in this one.

LaBeouf does his usual, goofy, Corey Matthews circa latter day “Boy Meets World” nonsense, but this time he’s not alone.

John Malkovich AND Ken Jeong are both in this movie. That is a whole lotta crazy. And the thing is: Bay doesn’t seem to have any interest in reining in either one. He turns them loose on an unsuspecting movie going public, and waits to see who can chew the most scenery in the shortest amount of screen time.

                Neither hangs around very long, but I think Jeong’s paranoid schizophrenic edged out Malkovich’s excessive tan and OCD. By a hair.

                Even the Transformers are hamming it up. Many now sport silly haircuts and have outrageous Monty Python accents.

                What about newcomer Rosie Huntington-Whitelely? Critics haven’t been kind to her, saying outrageous things like: “She makes Megan Fox look like Judy Dench.”

                The truth is Rosie is NOT a good actress. But the part doesn’t call for one. Heck, Fox did it for two movies. All you have to do is stand around, look hot, pout and occasionally react to stuff.

                Rosie pouts and reacts just fine and she’s way hotter than Megan Fox. Plus she doesn’t have a raging personality disorder. Good trade.

 “Transformers 3” has its fair share of laughs. It loses the robot balls, racism and animal humping from part two and goes back to some real, honest comic relief. Aside from the nonstop over-the-top performances, a few of the smaller Autobots provide some chuckles here and there.

Even better: Sam’s parents are kept mostly in the background.  

            Lastly, it only took three movies, but finally Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson get to do stuff!

            “Dark of the Moon” is the “Citizen Kane” of Bay’s “Transformer” movies. Granted, that’s not saying very much considering the quality of the other films in the series. It’s still not very good and I would never, EVER sit through it again, but it could be worse. It could be “Transformers.” Or it could be even worse and be “Revenge of the Fallen.”  

            One question remains: What did you people do to the word “side?????”

            Well, that and why in the good goddamn did you cast Hugo Weaving and then give him almost nothing to do for three whole movies?

             Bumblebee tuna.