Wednesday, September 14, 2011

'Bucky' bombs with critics, 'Creature' bombs with humanity and Sly Stallone puts America back to work

'Bucky Larson' comes up empty

            I’m sure none of Adam Sandler’s pals expected their latest cinematic endeavor to take home Oscar gold, but this is getting ridiculous. “Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star” (produced by Happy Madison, Sandler’s company) is currently sitting at an astonishing 0% on after 6 days and 26 negative reviews.
Hmmm… I think I can help. Where’s that guy who hated “Toy Story 3” but loved “Jonah Hex?” I’m sure he’s got some room on his year-end top ten list.

'Creature' shatters box office records…

            Just not in a good way.
The no budget horror film starring Sid Haig (House of 1000 Corpses) set the record for lowest opening weekend ever… for a movie released in at least 1,500 theaters.
            Creature managed to scrounge up $331,000 or roughly the amount Michael Bay finds in his couch when he flips over the cushions.
            In case you’re keeping score at home, that total translates to a paltry $220 per theater.
            The story follows a group of sexy teens as they head into a Louisiana bayou and are promptly menaced by a half man, half alligator creator. You know, that old chestnut.

Literally everyone is ‘Expendable’

            In addition to an ample returning cast from the first “Expendables”, Sly Stallone has added several more names to his crazy long cast list… in theory.
            Schwarzenegger and Willis will both be back and given more to do this time. Which doesn’t say much because there’s no way Arnie could do less. Just saying.
            Also, Jean-Claude Van Damme is on board, Chuck FREAKIN’ Norris and over actor extraordinaire, the hair himself: Nic Cage.
            But wait! There’s more!
            Apparently, John Travolta, Cage’s nemesis from “Face/Off” is also circling the project.   
It’s all almost too much for one movie. I feel like Peter Jackson needs to get involved and turn this into some type of testosterone fueled trilogy.
“The Expendables 2” is slated for an August 17, 2012 release. It stars Sly Stallone and every human being currently living on the planet… except for Frank Stallone, who sadly wasn’t invited.

No comments:

Post a Comment