Tuesday, May 8, 2012

News: 'Scary' and not so much

‘Scary Movie’ super timely

                So, the other day we spent some time gabbing about the upcoming “Scary Movie 5,” and how no one was really looking forward to it.
                Well, Feature Film Auditions has some news that is probably not going to change your mind.
                Turns out, “Scary Movie 5” is going to be a direct spoof of… Darren Aronofsky’s creepy ballet opus “Black Swan!” Woohoo! Super timely! In other news, how’s everyone enjoying their 2010? I know I’m loving it, so much so that I hope 2011 never gets here! Am I right? High five!
                Oh wait. I forgot. It’s currently 2012, and by the time “Scary Movie 5” gets into theaters, it’s going to be 2013. Ehhhhh… Far be it for me to try to teach the producers of “Scary Movie 5” a thing or two about comedy, but seriously?
                Are there any jokes left to tell about this movie that haven’t already been told during the last TWO freaking years?
                I mean, I’m pretty sure Jim Carrey’s SNL skit covered all of the bases. 

                Here’s the plot according to Joblo.com: "'Scary Movie 5' will involve the dance world, with a snooty, aloof, imperious, and oversexed French director of a dance company named Pierre putting on a huge production. Jody, a Caucasian late-20's mother of two and her late-20's African American friend Kendra are both vying for the lead in the production. Jody's extremely controlling former dancer mother is determined that Jody will have the brilliant career that eluded her. The highly skilled mid-30's Diva veteran dancer with the company, Heather Daltry, gets cut from the production and goes berserk."
                Not interested. Especially now that Anna Faris has said she won’t be back. What’s the point?
                Source: Joblo

How can he eat at a time like this?
Keep on collectin’

                Thanks a lot Barack Obama.
                As most of you already know, one of the major aspects of Barack Obama’s controversial overhaul of America’s health care system was the provision which said every movie, no matter how poorly received it was--- critically or commercially--- must have a sequel.   
                As a direct result of this bit of blatantly socialist legislation, ladies and gentlemen, I give you “The Collection.”
                That’s right, our so-called President is forcing a sequel to the friggin’ “Collector” (2009) into theaters. 
                In case you’ve forgotten (and you probably have), “The Collector” was a cheap knock off of “Saw” made by Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton, the writers of the last four “Saw” movies (I mostly enjoyed those sequels, by the by).
                So these two cats decided to rip off their own movies essentially. Did it work? Considering “The Collector” currently sits at 29% on Rotten Tomatoes and made a cool $9.5 million dollars WORLDWIDE, no it didn’t work at all.
                Point of reference: “The Avengers” made $9.5 million dollars on Saturday between the hours of 12:15 pm and 12:17 pm.
                Anyway, so Melton and Dunstan are back with “The Collection.” Awesome title. Here’s a picture.             

                Well, at least we know why Melton and Dunstan are so fond of torture porn movies--- they’re gluttons for punishment themselves.
                No word yet on when this ugliness will be in theaters, so it’s probably best we all just steer clear of our local cinemas for a while, lest we get stuck seeing this by accident.
                Source: Dread Central

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