This wild and crazy universe of ours is just full of
mysteries. What’s the meaning of life? Is there life on other worlds? Why do
people keep going to see those Chipmunk movies?
But
moments ago, while reading this week’s Entertainment Weekly, I encountered a
mystery so shocking, so mind-bending, I had to discuss it.
Hell,
the fact that I was even reading Entertainment Weekly is a mystery in and of
itself. I canceled my subscription months ago and yet each week a new issue
finds its way onto my doorstep.
I know I’m
not paying for it and yet, there it is, like clockwork. Sometimes it comes
complete with a “we swear this is the last one” letter from the generous folks
at EW, but there’s always another issue right behind it.
I have no idea how that company is making any
money, but if you’re still paying for your EW subscription, I urge you to
cancel now. You’ll save yourself some cash and still get the magazine. Win-win.
Except for EW, that is.
Whilst I was paging through this
week’s complimentary copy, I came upon the “Must List,” which contains 10
things you must do, see, read, etc. Guess what was sitting at number one?
“Battleship” with a bullet!
Freaking “Battleship!” Against my better judgment, I decided to read the
magazine’s explanation why. And I quote: “Director Peter Berg morphs a kid’s
board game into an electrifying, surprisingly complex action movie…”
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| forbes.com |
Complex!?! What the what? Later on
in the magazine, a reviewer gave “Battleship” a B+ and called it essentially a
smarter “Pearl Harbor” with aliens. The reviewer also said the filmmakers
deserve a medal. Again: What the what?
I never thought I would live in a
world where “Battleship” got a positive review, let alone got called smarter
than something or recommended for medals!
Mind-reeling, I headed over to
Rottentomatoes.com and saw “Battleship” is currently sitting at 39%, Certified
Rotten, so all hope is not lost.
Still, the mystery remains. EW is a (sorta) premiere publication. Could “Battleship”
actually be worth our time, America? Could it really be more than “Transformers”
+ Liam Neeson and water? That’s a heavy question, one I’m certainly not ready
to tackle. I’ll let my boy Stephen Hawking handle that one, while I get back to
that whole “time travel” thing. I got a theory on that one…
Source: Entertainment Weekly
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