More on Halloween II (2009)

And now, Rob Zombie presents "The Lord of the Rings."




Walkin'



Still walkin'



Which way should we go now?



Good choice



Hmm... what's this place?



BATTLE!



Whew! Glad that's over with.



While I’ve got you on the line, let me add this: Horror filmmakers of the world, stop trying to sell us stuff we’ve already bought into.

                In “Halloween II” Rob Zombie spells out in crystal clear letters exactly why Myers wants to kill Laurie. The end result is a bunch of goofy shots of a grown man, a grown woman, a small child and Mr. Ed’s pastier cousin.

                How about this? Michael Myers wants to kill his sister because he’s crazy and he already killed the other one. Done! Stop selling! Audiences are already on board with that idea. How do I know? Because that’s exactly what the original “Halloween II” was about.

                By giving his leading monster too much motivation, Zombie falls into the same dumb trap that snared “Halloween” 4-6. And “Jason Goes to Hell.” And basically every “Nightmare on Elm Street” sequel.

                Look, I’ve accepted Jason Voorhees is an unstoppable killing machine. I’m good with that. I don’t need you to tell me the reason he can’t be stopped is because he’s a body-hopping demon. And save your mumbo jumbo about Freddy Krueger trying to be reborn or have kids. I just want to watch him haunt dreams. Once that gets old, move on to a new franchise.

                Michael, Freddy, Jason. Whoever. They don’t need any motivation past the desire to mow down a bunch of attractive teenagers. It’s all we, as horror fans, have ever asked for.

                Bumblebee tuna.