Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to the official Cheese List Fall Movie Preview. Over the next several hundred words, I plan on giving you a rundown of the movies hitting theaters this fall most likely to end up on The Cheese List one day.
Not anytime soon though, because there’s almost nothing on this list I plan on seeing in theaters.
More power to you if you find yourself in a darkened theater over the next couple of weeks being subjected to any of these. I’m not guaranteeing they’ll all be awful, maybe some of them might even be pretty good. All I’m saying is that at first glance, these movies don’t look pretty.
And here we go…
September
Shark Night 3-D (September 2)
A relaxing vacation takes a turn for the worst for a bunch of sexy umm… “teens” when a pod of angry sharks show up and crash the party. Currently sitting at a decidedly unhealthy 13% on Rottentomatoes.com, 4.6 out of 10 on Imdb.com and 22 out of 100 on Metacritic.com.
Inside Out (September 9)
WWE superstar Triple H is good at a lot of things. He’s a fantastic wrestler, and he works the crowd better than nearly anyone currently on Vince McMahon’s payroll. But few wrestlers have been able to make the jump to the big screen. In “Inside Out,” HHH plays a mobster looking to leave his violent past in the rearview. Take a guess whether or not he’s successful. Rated 25% on Rottentomatoes.com, 4.7 out of 10 on Imdb.com and 28 out of 100 on Metacritic.com.
Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (September 9)
Basically, Adam Sandler gives a bunch of his dumb pals money to make another crappy R-rated comedy that god-willing no one will see. Directed by Tom Brady. No, sadly it’s not THAT Tom Brady. Rated a remarkable 0% on Rottentomatoes.com, 2.4 out of 10 on Imdb.com and 11 out of 100 on Metacritic.com
I Don’t Know How She Does It (September 16)
Sarah Jessica Parker juggles home, work and kids in this alleged comedy. Parker is fresh off a pair of Razzie wins for Worst Actress and Worst On-Screen Couple, so let’s see if she can continue her hot streak.
