Monday, December 20, 2010

Welcome to The Z-List

The Internet is jam-packed to the gills with websites and blogs offering to guide you through the Hollywood minefield and steer you towards only the finest in thoroughbred cinematic entertainment. Now to me, all of that seems like a tiny bit of a complete waste of space. After all, everyone knows that “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” is the best movie of all time, a fact that was confirmed by a recent poll of “those in the know.” This fine and distinguished panel included film historians, movie critics and several professional dog walkers.
The questions remains, why spend all this time looking for the next “Terminator 2” when absolutely no one has gotten tired of the first “Terminator 2” yet?
Instead, I think we should turn our attention to the little-explored other end of movie spectrum. A place so barren, desolate and disturbed that not even Lewis and Clarke would dare venture into its clutches.  Some know it as the dominion of the Z-Movie, the sort of movie that you would hide UNDER the porn as you walked to the register of your local video store. That was, of course, before all of your local video stores went out of business.   
                Every raving lunatic with a DVD player and an Ethernet cable (including yours truly) has scrawled his or her thoughts on the best of the best, completely ignoring the worst of the worst. This is wrong and I intend on fixing it. Each week, sometimes more than once, I intend on subjecting myself to the grizzliest travesties that have ever been imprinted onto celluloid in search of the Worst Movie of All Time. I will rely on your recommendations, as well as on my own independent research for candidates so feel free to leave as many suggestions as you would like in the comment section.
Please friends, allow me to be your Morgan Spurlock, won’t you? All I ask is that you sit back and enjoy whilst I destroy my mind and body with hundreds of thousands of empty cinematic calories. And unlike Mr. Spurlock, I do intend on telling you something that you didn’t already know.
Over the course of the next several days I will compile a thorough and comprehensive checklist, which I will use to evaluate movies during my travels. Please share your own thoughts as to what elements always torpedo a movie for consideration in the checklist.
Bumblebee tuna.    

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