Monday, July 11, 2011

Freddy Got Fingered

Credentials: 11% Certified Rotten ( 4.0 out of 10 ( 13 out of 100 (
                Nominated for 8 Razzies, “won” 5 at the 2002 Golden Raspberry Awards (Wins in BOLD)- Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Tom Green), Worst Director, Worst Onscreen Couple (Tom Green and any animal he abuses), Worst Screenplay, Worst Supporting Actress (Drew Barrymore), Worst Supporting Actress (Julie Hagerty), Worst Supporting Actor (Rip Torn)
                Nominated for Worst Comedy of Our First 25 Years at the 2005 Golden Raspberry Awards
                Nominated for Worst Picture of the Decade at the 2010 Golden Raspberry Awards

Plot: A degenerate, psychotic slacker and aspiring cartoonist named Gord (Tom Green) moves back in with his parents (Julie Hagerty and Rip Torn) while he searches for a job. Before long, Gord’s not-so-lovable antics wear thin and his dad demands he seek lodging elsewhere. Gord responds as any 28-year-old man would: by moving out, finding a job and making something of himself… wait that’s not right. No, Gord accuses his father of sexually molesting Freddy, the family’s younger son- he’s 25. Oh yeah, and at some point a beautiful, paralyzed amateur rocket scientist with an S&M fetish (Marisa Coughlan) inexplicably falls madly in love with Gord. Just your average family comedy.

Thoughts: In case you couldn't tell from the plot summary, “Freddy Got Fingered” is a genuinely repulsive movie.
                Now, I’m not one to advocate blacklisting, but I’d seriously look into banning anyone and everyone involved with this movie from ever working in Hollywood again. Except for Harland Williams because he does a delightful Chewbacca impression. And Shaq is always welcome. Still waiting for “Kazaam II” big man. But the rest of the cast and crew… sorry. You need to find employment elsewhere.
                The blame for this affront to nature falls squarely on the shoulders of leading man, writer and director Tom Green, who managed to craft a movie so vile I nearly pressed the stop button for the first time in Cheese List history.
                That tiny little square never looked so good.      
                It isn’t often that topics like bestiality and child molestation find their way into a mainstream comedy. Then again, that’s probably because studios have stopped giving Tom Green money. Consider “Freddy Got Fingered” a huge, embarrassing lesson learned.  
                Also, I’m not going to list the disturbing acts Tom Green perpetrates upon various innocent animals because I don’t want to pollute your mind with that kind of wretched ugliness.
                Green isn’t an actor. Instead of playing a character he resorts to the same juvenile gross out crap he pulled on his MTV show.
                Plus, he makes funny faces, sings stupid songs and turns 2 syllable words into 8 syllable words. Really, Tom Green paved the way for the Paris Hiltons and Kim Kardashians of the world.  He got famous by being extremely annoying.
                And despite the fact that Green’s Gord character is very clearly a raving lunatic in desperate need of medication, no one in the movie seems all that concerned about him. They just go about their lives while he showers in a full SCUBA suit and plays a keyboard while wearing two steaks as earrings. Also, he licks his friend’s compound leg fracture.
                In the real world, Gord would be warehoused in the basement of an asylum with a Hannibal Lecter mask on, not out roaming the streets molesting horses and elephants.
                There are a couple of good laughs to be had, but Green usually steps all over them by pushing things too far. Like the aforementioned compound fracture bit.
                He can’t let a joke breathe. His urge to smother it is just too strong.
                The plot, if you can call it that, wraps up around the 70 minute mark or so, but the movie just keeps right on going. Green tacks on a bizarre Pakistani epilogue that brings nothing relevant to the table.
                Really though, the movie had already overstayed its welcome by that point anyway.
                Any positives? Well, like I said, there are some laughs scattered throughout. Harland Williams is fun in his limited screen time as Gord’s friend. Anthony Michael Hall also has a couple of memorable scenes as an animation studio big wig. I guess since he was in “The Dark Knight” he can remain un-blacklisted too. For now…  
                “Freddy Got Fingered” would make an excellent challenge on “Survivor.” Forget about eating bugs and animal parts. If you can make it all the way through this movie without puking, you’re worthy of a million bucks outright.
                I’ll be waiting by my mailbox Tom.
Video Evidence

                Pictures are worth a thousand words right? Well, I think this one about sums up "Freddy Got Fingered."
Actual Screen Cap from "Freddy Got Fingered"

                Bumblebee tuna.            

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