News: Spring of The Rock

huffingtonpost.co.uk

In honor of his momentous victory at Sunday’s Royal Rumble, let’s talk a little Rock, shall we?

                That’s right, in case you missed it The Rock vanquished CM Punk with a People’s Elbow to once again hold the WWE Title. All is right with the world.  

                So Rocky’s riding high right now. And things just keep getting better. The so-so-looking-but-who-cares-it’s-The-Rock “G.I. Joe: Retaliation” hits theaters March 29. But the real money-maker comes about two months later on May 24 --- “Fast and Furious 6,” or as I like to call it “The Sequel to Fast Five and Four Movies I Don’t Care About.”

                And today that movie got itself an official summary. Here’s what we can expect from “F&F6” (or (TStFFaFMIDCA”):

                “Since Dom (Vin Diesel) and Brian’s (Paul Walker) Rio heist toppled a kingpin’s empire and left their crew with $100 million, our heroes have scattered across the globe. But their inability to return home and living forever on the lam have left their lives incomplete. Meanwhile, Hobbs (The Rock) has been tracking an organization of lethally skilled mercenary drivers across 12 countries, whose mastermind is aided by a ruthless” --- and mysterious (spoiler deleted) ---“ second-in-command. The only way to stop the criminal outfit is to outmatch them at street level, so Hobbs asks Dom to assemble his elite team in London. Payment? Full pardons for all of them so they can return home and make their families whole again.”

blacksportsonline.com

                It’s going to be a good Spring with that much Rock on the big screen. You can also check out Rock as he most likely defends his title against John Cena at Wrestlemania.

                Bumblebee tuna.

                Info: Joblo

Review: Fast Five

Credentials: 78%, Certified Fresh (Rottentomatoes.com) / 7.3 out of 10 (Imdb.com) / 67 out of 100 (Metacritic.com)

Plot: The fifth in the “Fast and the Furious” franchise finds ex-cop turned crook Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) looking to settle down and make a life with his lady friend Mia (Jordana Brewster). Of course, that’s not easy to do when you’re on the run from the law, so the duo heads south to Rio De Janero, where they rendezvous with Mia’s brother Dom (Vin Diesel), a bad ass criminal with a heart of gold. Before the group can leave their life of crime behind they need to pull off… wait for it… ONE LAST JOB! Can they steal from Rio’s most dangerous drug lord, while avoiding the heavily-muscled arm of the law (federal agent Luke Hobbs, played by Dwayne Johnson)? Oh it’s on!

Why it stinks: Bad acting, silly dialogue and a bloated, directionless story. But you know what? Despite those minor faults, “Fast Five” is still a lot of fun… at times.

                Those times are usually when Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is strutting across the screen, flexing his massive biceps and getting stuff done. Without The Rock’s presence, I probably would have just skipped this entry in the franchise like I skipped the last few. But The Rock, well he just makes everything better.

                I’d say he’s not given enough to do, but I get it, this is not his movie. We’re supposed to care about our criminal anti-heroes, but meh. They’re not all that interesting.

                For starters, Vin Diesel is all muscles. Whereas, The Rock has huge guns and the charisma to back them up, Vin brings nothing else to the table. Despite Diesel’s inability to act, his scenes with The Rock, however, are impeccable. Pun very much intended. Their fight scene is one of the manliest things ever captured on film.

                If the whole movie had been these two going at it, I’d have been fine with it. The problem is, director Justin Lin tries to cram in the romance between Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster. Plus, she’s got a secret she’s keeping from her man. What could it be???

All of this hokey, daytime drama nonsense just gets in the way of the explosions and ass kicking. Considering the movie’s needlessly long 130 minute run time, yeah we could make some cuts. Easy. Just hand me the shears.

The early “Fast and Furious” films were all about street racing and fast cars. This one tries to be an “Ocean’s Eleven”-style heist flick, with cars getting pushed into the background.

I say it tries, because “Fast Five” really can’t totally pull it off.

Heist movies usually have a sequence where the leads assemble a crack team: an explosives guy, a smooth talker, a master of disguise, etc. and “Fast Five” is no different. It has this scene, except that these experts never get the chance to use their skills. The smooth talker never gets to talk to anyone smoothly. The master of disguise doesn’t get to blend in.

Instead of using their cool skills, everyone just ends up being awesome drivers. The big climax? All driving. How very “Fast and the Furious” of you. Look, I don’t mind a good car chase movie, just don’t promise me steak and give me pudding pops.

Worst of the Worst

Any time The Rock is not on screen is time wasted.

Video Evidence

 Man's time...

 If you smell...

There you have it, “Fast Five.” Bumblebee tuna.

News: 'Fast' six and seven are a-go!

moviegab.net

Oh it’s man’s time now, boys and girl.

                Not content to let Sylvester Stallone and his cavalcade of expendable he-men have all the fun, the “Fast and the Furious” franchise WILL return for parts six and seven.

                And that comes right from the chiseled and muscular mouth of franchise star Sir Vin Diesel.

                Apparently, according to Mr. Diesel, the scope of the series just got too big after part five, thusly we need two more sequels to wrap it all up.

                Well, that and “Fast Five” made a poop ton of money and had The Rock in it, so yeah.

                I’m ashamed to admit I still haven’t seen part five yet, a fact which at the very least could cost me my man card, and at worst might cause me to spend some time in a Chinese labor camp. I’m not proud of it, but we have to live with the choices we make. I will see it soon though, I assure you, International Council of Masculinity.

                Source: Bad Movie Night